Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
