im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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