I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
