I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
