You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize