someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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