I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
