I think scott just propositioned me for sex
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
