he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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