Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
