Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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