In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
