I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
