I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
