just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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