time to smoke my breakfast
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
