Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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