chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
