Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize