Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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