shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
