Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
