All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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