your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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