the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
