Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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