I will die if light touches me.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize