Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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