you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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