Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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