Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
