loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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