the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Someone came in the potted fern
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