U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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