He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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