When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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