hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize