I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
