well I can't set my house on fire every night
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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