My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize