May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
