you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
