Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
