Pants 0. Shit 1.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
