Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
