you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
