Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
