Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
