He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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