there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
