It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
