I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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