ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
