so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
