He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
