piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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