no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
