It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
