Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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