Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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