Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
