Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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