I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize