after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
