The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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