i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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