Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
