Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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