I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
vagina is talking i cant
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
