nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize