You really coming over, don't trick.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
