This girl is more easily done than said...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
