I just pynch a tree in the face
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
how does that bad decision feel?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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