Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
