Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
