Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize