she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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