here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
