Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
