I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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